6. Building Sustainable Masculinities
This section comprises of two parts: Education and
Skills.
Education and background
knowledge
• Educational programs which promote all aspects
of gender awareness are foundational to building sustainable
masculinities. As men and boys learn about gender socialization
they are able to move beyond the usual defensiveness that
often arises when this topic is discussed. The opportunity
exists to free themselves from the narrow limited concepts
of the old male paradigm and to embrace a more expansive and
positive future; embrace their humanity.
• Because educational programs will by their very nature
be confronting to many boys and men, they are best conducted
by males in a collaborative and non-blaming format. (Flood,
Berkowitz)
• Therefore rather than blame men for their conformity
to the dominant masculine beliefs, education can build on
what already exists in most men. Berkowitz
(2003-4) states that, “The majority of men may already
hold attitudes that can be strengthened to prevent and reduce
violence and encourage men to intervene with other men.”
• Berkowitz continues, “Research has demonstrated
that many men are uncomfortable with how they have been taught
to be men including being in relationship with women, believing
in homophobia and heterosexism and allowing limited emotional
expression; they are uncomfortable with the sexism and inappropriate
behavior of other men.” (See
rafting story)
• Education has the potential to expose what has been
hidden. For example international mediator Johann Galtung
the founder of Peace
Studies says, “Women’s studies make women
and their conditions of suppression and liberation visible.” Galtung, who is one of the foremost peace scholars in the world today llists mysogyny (hatred/ownerhsip of women) as one of the biggest violence problems we face.
• Similarly male socialization had not been examined
until recent decades despite the fact that men perpetrate
95% of all violence. Thus is the value of education
The Educational program for Building Sustainable
Masculinity should include:
• how masculinities are constructed
• how they are sustained and by whom
• who is impacted and how they are impacted
• local and global violence statistics, gender violence
• understanding the partnership concept, including paths
to non-violence, positive communication skills, emotional
competence, mediation and peace studies
Also included is mythology and the study of prominent archytypes.
Skills for Building Sustainable
Masculinity
A crucial part of any educational program requires learning
skills which enable partnerships to be established and maintained.
Shifting from the dominator style and establishing partnership
requires strong intention backed by practical methods such
as:
• collaboration skills
• mediation and non-violent methods of conflict resolution
• transforming anger
• building emotional confidence (intelligence)
• gender awareness including an understanding of gender
based privilege
• relationship skills including positive
communication, partnership and parenting skills
• ability to ensure that intimate relationships are
consenting
• peer choices, how to say no
(Berkowitz)
These skills can not only help to reduce men’s violence
but give men tools to have better personal and working relationships.
Research has established that deficiency in these skills is
associated with violence. Teaching men such skills may decrease
the likelihood of future violence when the acquisition and
maintenance of these skills is encouraged in a supportive
environment (Low, Monarch, Hartman, & Markman, 2002).
Men who are likely to commit violence are men who over-identify
with traditional masculine values and roles and who are especially
sensitive to what other men think.
Traditional masculine values are promoted in certain contact
sports, in the media and many sub cultures within the broader
society. (Berkowitz)
Bystander Methods
• The focus of bystander intervention programs is to
provide the majority of men who are uncomfortable with certain
men’s behavior with the permission and skills to confront
them. (Berkowitz) (See raft story)
• Bystander interventions move beyond empathy and individual
change to make men responsible for changing the larger environment
of how men relate to each other and to women. (Berkowitz)
• Bystander pro-activity is one of the most powerful
actions all men and boys can take to can change the peer culture
that fosters and tolerates men’s violence. (Berkowitz)
• The interventions can range from confronting sexist
language and sexist jokes which demean women, to reminding
a partying friend that the ‘intoxicated’ girl
he is chatting up must be a consciously consenting partner
to any sexual activity.
Emotional Work
In a sweat lodge I once heard a Native American elder say
“All of us must strive to make the journey between our
head and heart. It can be the longest and most difficult journey
we will ever make but the most rewarding one.” His words
reflect the wisdom of indigenous cultures and I’ve come
to see the value of them time and again.
Since the centuries old conversations about what constitutes
a ‘real man’ are ingrained in most men we need
to do some very deep work to change these attitudes. We have
been conditioned that emotional work
is for sissies for that is how dominator hierarchical systems
were sustained; we have to break through this armoring. It
is simply not enough to understand this intellectually since
up to 80% of what determines our attitudes and behavior operates
below the conscious levels of the mind. We must bring consciousness
to those deeper levels and that requires emotional work.
Since the old attitudes are deeply “embedded”,
I have found that the most effective workshops
are those which engage the heart and evoke the emotions. In
this form the new realizations are truly “embodied”;
they are felt in the body and are more likely to make a lasting
impression.
It is the feeling function that gives man his sense of purpose or meaning in life and when that is impaired as it is in most there is much despair and suffering. To heal the feeling function man must drop the walls he has built around his heart and become capable of feeling again.
As we engage the heart we need to learn language skills which
are heart based.
Communication Skills
Words are powerful; they can foster partnership or sustain
dominance.
Much of the language we use is inherited from dominator times,
is adversarial and creates distance between individuals and
groups. It fosters exclusion rather than inclusion; it accentuates
differences more than similarities. It appears in our homes
and communities; it is rampant in newspapers and the media.
Everybody including politicians, business leaders, sports
identities, media and film celebrities, lawyers and criminals,
is guilty of using this language style at times.
What is overlooked is that we use this language in our thinking;
in our self talk. We often frame our world through a lens
created by adversarial thoughts. The Darwinian concept of
‘survival of the fittest’ arises from within the
dominator lens and has caused the majority of humans to be
disconnected to and exploitive of the natural environment.
This contrasts to the many primal societies who were respectful
of, and in partnership with nature. They saw a web of natural
systems in harmony with each other and they understood the
need for partnership between humans and the natural systems.
The adversarial thinking has pushed our global eco-systems
to what many scientists believe to be perilously close to
the point of no return.
Many modern societies such as Australia, Japan and the United
States suffer from high rates of youth suicide, especially
amongst young males. When I have listened to males expressing
their thoughts I’m struck by the adversarial quality
of their language use and the subsequent concepts which arise.
Swings between excessive arrogance and low self-esteem, followed
by doubt, fear, negativity, feelings of exclusion and unhappiness
are a result.
In contrast the language of partnership is non-adversarial;
it attempts to maintain dialogue under all circumstances,
it takes responsibility for one’s own needs and feelings,
it does not blame or shame, it is solutions based, reconciliatory
in nature. It is the language of the heart; it comes from
our own heart and reaches out to the hearts of others. For
most of us it is not natural since we have been significantly
socialized in adversarial language forms.
Conclusion
Education programs to help men adopt the partnership model
must be built around communication skills and language forms
that promote healthy self concepts leading to equity, understanding,
collaboration and inclusion.
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