2. A Positive Message
Today many men and women are critically examining harmful
male norms and working to build sustainable forms of masculinity.
This speaks to the real possibility of peace, equity and shared
prosperity amongst all humans. Eisler summarizes the past
and the future thusly:
The centuries-old dominator paradigm
is not something inherent in women or men. Rather, it is
a matter of the gender-specific socialization required to
maintain a system in which -- beginning with the ranking
of one half of humanity over the other -- the primary principle
of social organization is one of rankings of domination
ultimately backed up by fear of pain or force.
People all over the world are today questioning matters
that only a few generations ago were generally seen as "just
the way things are." Everything, from politics and
economics to sexual and family relations, is being re-evaluated.
This questioning of "givens" -- particularly the
stereotypical roles and relations of women and men--is not
accidental. It is symptomatic of what systems theorists
call a period of social disequilibrium; a time when fundamental
or transformational systems change can occur.
Jackson Katz agrees stating, “What must be changed is
our socialization as
men and not our essential biological nature.” And
Eisler is careful to point out, “Men are not the enemy
-- it's the programming, the dominator system itself.”
So we are looking at an attainable task, one which is well underway
as testified by the thousands of male and female scholars, politicians,
activists and workshop-leaders who are working tirelessly to
reduce male violence and questioning age old assumptions about
masculinity.
Barbara Marx-Hubbard reminds us to stay positive by looking
at our current crises as a stage in our creation story, in
our evolution.
Each of us as an individual person is a culmination, or
a fruition, of the fifteen-billion years it has taken to
create us. Our atoms, our molecules, our cells, our organs,
our early brain, middle brain, neo-cortex -- all of that
is a microcosm of the story of our cosmic evolution. We
are the universe in person. What gives me hope is that this
is a fifteen-billion-year trend. We did not make this up;
rather, we were made up by it. There is the possibility
of going extinct, but we're the first species ever to face
consciously its own potential for extinction. This awareness
that we could destroy ourselves if we don’t wake up
as a species becomes an ultimate evolutionary driver. In
fact, this challenge may be the precise conditions required
for the higher order of life to evolve. Crises are pressing
us toward transformation.
I find it inspiring to apply Marx-Hubbard’s frame to
men and the contribution they can make towards this transformation.
Rather than continue to evolve randomly we men are being asked
to become conscious about our evolution; this is urgently
needed by the world community. Since men constitute one half
of humanity and since sociologists and leading gender scholars
have established the need to change male socialization, connecting
men to this role in the human creation story is very powerful.
It gives males something magnificent and palpable to work
towards. As the men and boys who were groomed to serve the
domination model begin to
see the limits to that form of socialization and when they
grasp their potential to help shape a positive future for
all humanity, that quest may become a dominant theme for their
lives.
Men are changing
Because I’ve observed so many boys and men undergo significant
change, I believe transformation is possible on a much larger
scale. I’ve looked into the eyes of “tough guys”
in prison and young gang leader kids and I’ve felt their
hearts. I’m convinced they would have made better choices
if they had the knowledge and the skills to do so. Similarly
I’ve experienced participants at father/son workshops
share their deepest truths in heart-rending dialogues challenging
those who question men’s capacity to “feel.”
To witness this level of honesty and courage gives me unbounded
hope and there is no place I’d rather be when these
events are happening. Repeatedly I’ve witnessed willingness
and courage as men and boys dig deep to heal their wounds;
to face their emotions. Ironically, in so doing, they liberate
their compassionate natures, their “authentic selves”
and as a result they are calmer and safer to be around.
Acknowledgements
This site acknowledges all the courageous men and women who
have paved the way, working for equitable social change and
gender awareness as a foundational component of a healthy
democracy. As men adopt healthier partnership models we are
ever indebted to the enormous body of work compiled by the
women’s movement.
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